Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
