I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
