BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
