Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
