Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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