Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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