um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I want her autograph on my taint
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
