facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Don't tell me you're on acid again
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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