okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
