He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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