is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
