you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
