uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize