Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hate all girls vehemently.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
