Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
