What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize