we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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