i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
