I want to stick my p in your. b.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
