a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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