you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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