im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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