i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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