I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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