I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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