NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
