He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
A bitchslap is in order.
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