i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
