Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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