the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
