just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize