i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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