We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
