so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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