At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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