I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
