you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
