Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize