the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize