i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
