it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The best revenge is premature balding
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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