The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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