singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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