omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
