STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
