oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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