He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
