i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My pussy is not your playground.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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