dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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