OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
