one two three fourrrrnication!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
