I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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