no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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