Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
