i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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