Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
