I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
