I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
