the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
