I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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