Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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