i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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