trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize