i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
