you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
