Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
