I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
