I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
