I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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