Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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