you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
