She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
