I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
