i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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